Your Basherte is not Bashert

 

Everything in life is Bashert* except for your  spouse, who is not necessarily your Basherte** The Chasam Sofer (Shu”t O. Ch. 55) writes, the reason we don’t say שהחיינו when getting married, is because the Bracha of שהחיינו is said only when buying a new fruit or utensil etc. which it is totally dependent on the Ratzon (will) of הקב"ה.  Hashem had in mind you should buy this fruit, and you have no בחירה to change it for another one. Whereas a Shidduch if one decides not to marry his Basherte, Hashem will not interfere with his בחירה and will not force him to get married. Where the will of humans is also involved in the acquisition, no שהחיינו is recited.   The Chasam Sofer  is not concerned with the Chazal that says “40 days before יצירת הולד - –בת פלוני לפלוני.”,  * predestined  **One's predestined soulmate.