Monday, March 20, 2023




To the mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, sisters, and brothers of Bnos Yisroel,

It was reported that there were serious discussions recently among senior Roshei Yeshiva regarding the shidduch crisis and the indisputable fact that the age gap plays a major role in creating and perpetuating the crisis. Many options were on the table on how to deal with the problem, but no conclusion has yet been reached.

I plead with each one of you to approach every Rosh Yeshiva you know and very respectfully explain to them what you are going through. Don’t be ashamed to tell them that your amazing daughter is in the Parsha for a year, two, three, or more and she has not gone out on even one date. This scenario is unfortunately extremely normal, and it does not in any way reflect poorly on you or your daughter. In fact, the vast majority of us are going through the same situation. Inform them how few serious shidduch suggestions you receive and how difficult it is to even get through to a competent shadchan. Don’t underestimate the power of the individual to be the catalyst of real change. The Roshei Yeshiva need to hear from the tzibur the full magnitude of the problem so that they should be motivated to make the painful concessions and bold moves that Klal Yisroel so desperately needs.

I know it is hard to believe but many Roshei yeshiva are unaware of the full extent of what is going on and some even say that all this can’t be true because they are not hearing about it from their former talmidim (now fathers). It is time to stop suffering in silence and to try to do something positive for our girls. If we don’t wake up now and do our small part, we will have only ourselves to blame כי אם החרש תחרישי בעת הזאת וגו’.

If you need clarity on what the cause of the crisis is and what true Daas Torah is, please follow this link.

Do not allow statements regarding Bitachon to ruin your resolve to do what you can. Of course, each one of us needs to have Bitachon that our daughter will be from the lucky 80%-85% to find a husband but our hearts still need to bleed for the other 15%-20%.

Please pick up the phone and respectfully do what you can, and of course, don’t forget to daven and cry to Hashem that your hishtadlus should bear fruit and the Roshei yeshiva should have the strength and resolve to bring an end to this terrible gezeira.

Let us leave the details of the exact solution to them, but Klal Yisroel desperately needs them to come up with an answer now. As Rav Elya Ber Wachtfogel of South Fallsburg said, this is the biggest Tzara facing Klal Yisroel, and continuing to do nothing is simply not an option. The Roshei Yeshiva are in the driver's seat and they can and will bs”d get the job done but we need to do our part.


A Yid with a Heart

The only way to narrow the age gap is by facilitating and encouraging the boys to start dating at a younger age.  This can be accomplished if the Roshei Yeshivos are on board and implement policies such as:

1. The American Roshei Yeshivos should send away their Talmidim to Eretz Yisroel at age 21, and not allow them to stick around past that age.

(Yes it's true a 21-year-old Bachur who spent so few years in the Yeshivah

doesn't fully grasp the Derech Halimud of the Rosh Yeshivah, However, we

have reached a point of עת לעשות - הפרו תורתך)

2. The Israeli Roshei Yeshivos should not accept Bachurim over the age of 21

3. B.M.G. Lakewood Yeshiva should abolish the "freezer" rule.

Here again, the Hasmadah of BMG might be compromised but the time

has come of עת לעשות - הפרו תורתך

Having the Bachurim go to learn in Eretz Yisroel at an earlier age means they will return to America at an earlier age, thus starting  Shidduchim earlier and thereby narrowing the age gap.




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